After the Ashes
by sparrowdawn
Summary: After the ashes have settled and the bodies have been burried District 12 and its inhabitants try to establish a new life and future. Peeta has returned and is looking to start over. But is Katniss ready to?
1. Chapter 1: The Lake

"Katniss?" Peeta's voice breaks through my jumble of thoughts and I look up from my most recent kill.

"Yes." I'm relieved that it's my Peeta behind those eyes. Sometimes I'm still afraid I'll see the tortured look the Capitol gave him.

"Can we get out of the house for a while? I'm starting to feel cramped up."

I wipe my hands on a rag and smile up at him. "Sure. I could use a breather too."

Peeta follows me out the front door of my house in Victor's Village. A month has passed since Peeta came back, we've still barely touched, but a warm feeling shoots through me as his hand brushes mine. The sun blinds us momentarily as we step into the lane. All of the bodies have been buried and the ash has blown away. We walk in silence for a while and I'm beginning to wonder where Peeta is taking us as we pass the town square. The buildings here are still mostly destroyed, but a few have been cleared away completely. As we enter the Seam I'm at a loss.

"Peeta, where are we going?"

He keeps walking for a few moments before he answers, "I wanted to go into the woods; to get away from all of this." He's searching my eyes for something and I get the feeling he's embarrassed.

Completely baffled, I take his hand for the first time in what seems like an eternity and lead him toward the fence. I show him how to slip under it and as we're walking toward the tree line I realize why Peeta hesitated to tell me where he wanted to go. Gale. The woods were mine and Gale's refuge, our livelihood. Peeta was trying to figure out if I'm in love with Gale. Strangely, the thought seems so alien. Gale is gone, probably forever. And after Prim I know I could never have that kind of relationship with him. Prim.

"Let's stop for a minute." I tell Peeta, my voice catching in my throat.

"Is everything all right?" He brushes my hair behind my ear.

"I just thought about Prim." I plop myself down on a fallen tree. "It sneaks up on me sometimes." Peeta doesn't say anything, he doesn't have to. He just wraps his arm around my shoulder and lets me calm down. "Do you think anything will be normal again?"

Peeta considers this for a moment, "It won't be the normal we used to know. That life is over. I think as time passes, we'll find our own normal. Things from our past will always haunt us, but one day we'll be thankful for that. We'll remember the past and be thankful for the life we have now. And we'll miss the ones who can't share it with us."

I wrap my arms around Peeta, happy that he's mostly my Peeta now. I'm surprised he doesn't even pause, but just hugs me back. After a minute we both stand up. "Where would you like to go?" I ask him.

"What about the lake, since you already hunted this morning?" He gives me a small smile.

"The lake." I say. "Maybe I can teach you to swim."

We hike through the forest in silence for a while. It's an odd feeling to be in the forest for nothing but swimming. No need to hunt or plan desperate escapes. I run my fingers along the leaves, I could get used to this. Just me and Peeta. As the lake comes into view something unfamiliar rises up in my chest. I turn to look at Peeta and as I do it's as if the feeling explodes. Not destructive, but exhilarating. I try and contain my emotions as we sit on the bank and take off our shoes.

"Why are you smiling so much?" Peeta asks, looking a little worried.

"I'm just happy to be here." I take a deep breath and then add, "With you."

"Me?" Now Peeta's confused and worried. I think I should probably explain before his emotions get too overwhelming and he loses it.

"I don't think you ever realized how much I missed you when you were…gone. I couldn't ever stop thinking about you. It's so surreal to be sitting here with you doing something so normal."

"I gave you a pearl. Real or not real?"

"You did. I kept it with me for a long time. Guarding it like it was your life. And when you came to Thirteen I kept it for the memories. I never got it back after the bomb went off in the city circle. I guess it was blown up with everything else."

Peeta sits staring at the ground for a long time, probably trying to work through his real thoughts and the hijacked ones. I want to say something else, something comforting, but I don't want to startle him. After a while I decide to just go swimming and he can join me when he's ready. I stand up and take off my shirt and I'm about to take off my pants when he asks "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to go swimming. I didn't want to disturb you."

"But why are you taking off your clothes?" I'm starting to get frustrated when I remember that the Tracker Jacker venom is probably messing with his thought process.

"I'm going to swim in my underwear. I don't want to walk back in soaking wet clothes." And for some reason this makes him blush. Nonetheless he stands up and joins me. After ten minutes of splashing around I decide to teach Peeta how to float.

"Just hold really still." I tell him. "Take small breaths and keep your chin tilted back." He's doing really well and I feel like I should tell him, but I'm too distracted by the way the sun is dancing off his eyelashes. It still surprises me how long they are. He looks so peaceful with his eyes closed. He almost looks like the boy the Capitol reaped four years ago. Without even thinking I lean over and kiss him on the cheek. Butterflies erupt in my stomach and I can feel a blush creeping up my face. Peeta just smiles.


	2. Chapter 2: Memories

The smell of baking cheese buns wafts through my house and invades my dreams. Dreams of happier times and places, dreams where a life full of love and laughter are possible. Slowly I begin to wake and these thoughts don't leave. I can feel my lips still hold the smile of my slumber. I open my eyes and can see Peeta sitting in an armchair just watching me.

"Cheese buns are your favorite, real or not real?"

"Real." I say. "They smell delicious."

Peeta gets up and sits on the floor in front of the sofa where I'm lying. "You look beautiful when you sleep."

I look down at my hands, still scarred and multi colored from the parachute bombs. "Thank you."

"You really do." Peeta puts his hand under my chin and gently makes me look up at him, just like Cinna used to. "You're always beautiful. There's just something so peaceful about when you sleep."

I give him a small smile, not really knowing what to say. I take one of his hands in mine, tracing the outlines of his different colored skin. Just like my hands. The oven timer beeps and beeps but he just keeps staring at my face. "I think the cheese buns are done."

"I know." He says. His voice is different. Not like he's about to have an attack and try to break my neck, but concentrated. Slowly he reaches up and touches my cheek, my forehead, my eyebrows, my nose, and finally my lips. Without warning he stands up and goes to the oven. Taking the buns out and setting them on the counter to cool.

My head spins as I try and figure out what just happened. My thoughts begin to jumble and I have to repeat what Dr. Aurelius taught me. "_My name is Katniss Everdeen. I live in District 12. Prim is dead. My mother is in District 2. Peeta is acting strangely. I kissed him on the cheek yesterday. I am acting strangely. Peeta made my favorite buns. He remembered what my favorite buns are. Why is he acting so strange?" _ Peeta puts a bun in my hand, bringing me out of my thoughts. "Thanks." I take a big bite letting the warmth run through me.

"Your mother called while you were asleep." Peeta says, while settling back into the armchair.

"What did she want?"

"She just wanted to check on you. I told her you were asleep…and smiling. That made her happy. She also said she won't be able to visit for a few more months. There's still a lot of injured. She's also busy training to become a real doctor."

"They were going to do that for Prim. Until Coin…" I trail off, sinking back into my own world.

"Katniss!" It takes a little while for Peeta's voice to bring me back.

"Sorry." I tell him, taking another bite of bun. "Have you checked on Haymitch today?"

"No." He says, looking a little guilty. "I didn't yesterday either."

"We should probably go make sure he's still alive." I say, pulling myself up. I shove the last of the cheese bun into my mouth and trudge over to the door.

"Uh, Katniss, some pants maybe?"

I look down and see I'm in the shirt, underwear, and socks I fell asleep in last night. I start to laugh and then all of the sudden I'm crying.

"What's wrong?" Peeta rushes over to me. "What did I say?"

"Finnick, he- he…I said the same thing to him in the hospital. And now he's…" I choke out between sobs.

"Oh no, I'm sorry." Peeta wraps his arm around me and I bury my face in his chest. I'm still crying, but I like it here where it's warm and safe. After a few minutes I pull my head away to look at him. His eyes are the same blue, and full of concern.

"I should go change. We need to check on Haymitch." I try and pull away, but he doesn't let go. Something in the back of my mind tells me I should be afraid, but I stay right where I am."

"What can I do?" Peeta asks, his voice choked with emotions, and I know he's talking about making things better, not finding me clothes.

"Hold me." I say, laying my head against his chest again. "Just hold me."

Peeta picks me up and carries me to the couch. I sit curled up in his lap for a long time, just letting him make me feel safe and loved. Eventually I open my eyes and can see through the front window that it's the middle of the afternoon. I unglue my face from Peeta's shirt to see he's still asleep. I lightly trace my finger along his lips for a while, not even thinking he might wake up when he says, "It would be alright if you kissed me."

I smile and that feeling erupts inside of me again. Very slowly I lean towards him, my gray eyes locked on his blue until the last second. His lips are warm and gentle against mine. I let my hands find his hair and run my fingers through it. Too soon Peeta pulls away, leaving me breathless. He gives me a light kiss and starts making me get up. My muscles are sore, but I don't care. I could have stayed with him on the couch forever.

As Peeta rises from the couch I drag myself up the stairs to find something clean to wear. I manage to find a clean and not too wrinkled pair of pants and a shirt to pull on. All of my clothes are piled at the bottom of my closet and I don't remember how they got there. Back downstairs Peeta's waiting for me. He takes my hand and leads me outside toward Haymitch's house.

Peeta and I walk right in the door as we've always done. It would be sort of useless to knock anyways. Surprisingly, Haymitch is somewhat sober and clumsily eating a bowl of broth at the table.

"Hazel just left." He says, not even bothering to look up. "What do you two want?"

"Just checking to make sure you're still alive." I say, still amazed at how clean the place is.

"Well, you're out of luck today." Haymitch finally catches sight of me and Peeta. "This is new." He says, indicating our intertwined hands.

I just glare at him and Peeta grins at his feet.

"Are the cameras back?"

"Yeah," I growl. "They came back especially to film me killing my old mentor."

"Charming. You could do a lot better than her." Haymitch says to Peeta.

That stings, but I guess I kind of deserved it. Instead of stalking out like I normally would, I sit down at the table. "Any news?"

"Plutarch still wants you to do that new singing show. He keeps calling me, because you apparently don't answer his calls."

"And that's exactly why."

"I think you should do it." Peeta chuckles.

"Not a chance."

They both start laughing like idiots and I decide it's time for me to leave.


	3. Chapter 3: Falling

Three more months pass and not much changes except the color of the leaves. Peeta bakes and I hunt. Haymitch has started raising geese. My mother calls occasionally, but mostly to tell me she still can't visit. I think she just doesn't want to come back. I spend every night on my couch, still too scared to face my bedroom alone. Every morning when I wake up Peeta is in the armchair staring at me and today is no different.

"Morning." I mumble, brushing my hair back off my face.

"Good morning. Did you have nightmares?"

"Yeah…Are you okay?" Peeta is curling and uncurling his fingers, looking a little unstable.

"I have news. I'm just not sure how to tell you."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, a few months ago when you got so upset about Finnick I started doing some digging. I had Haymitch call Plutarch and Plutarch got President Paylor to call me."

I'm holding my breath and gripping the edge of the couch. I don't know what he means and I'm desperate to keep my thoughts in order long enough to find out.

"I asked her if any survivors had been found in the sewage area you blew up. She said a few. I pressed for names and she told me she had only just found out herself. He's in pretty bad condition. They didn't even recognize him at first. About two weeks ago he started talking, but all he could say was 'Annie.'"

My reeling brain screeches to a halt. This isn't possible. Between the mutts, the sewage, and me blowing up the holo Finnick should be dead. He is dead, I correct myself. They've made a mistake. "No." Is all I can manage to say.

"Yes, Katniss, they've been doing a lot of reconstructive surgery and he's even starting to look like himself." Peeta pauses for a while and I think he's giving me time for it to sink in when he says, "You love Finnick, real or not real?"

"Not real, Finnick is my friend. He showed me how to hold it together. I don't love Finnick. Finnick loves Annie and I love you." The words are out of my mouth before my brain ever realized I was going to say them. Peeta sits in a shocked silence with eyes as wide as saucers. Before I can say anything else I bolt out the door and toward the fence.

Twenty feet up in an old oak tree I sit watching the sun slowly move across the sky. Its afternoon and I've almost made up my mind to stay in this tree forever. I would stay here forever except for the fact I have to eat, but facing Peeta and trying to have to explain myself is scarier than starving to death. I don't know why I told him I love him. Have I always loved him and just not admitted it to myself? I've spent half of the day up in this tree trying to figure it all out and have made no progress. I need to go back before he sends a search team after me, but I just can't motivate myself to move. A crunching sound from a few yards away confirms my suspicions. They're going to drag me down from this tree and I'm going to have no choice. I'm surprised when it's just Peeta that comes through the trees.

"I've been looking for you all day." He says, coming to stand directly under my tree.

"Hi." I say sheepishly, not budging from my spot.

"You could make it a lot easier on me and come down here."

I slowly climb down a few branches before turning to say, "But the air is so much nicer up here."

"I have a prosthetic leg, remember? Don't make me climb up there." Peeta says, starting to walk toward the tree.

I climb until I'm sitting on a branch that's just above his head. "Hi." I say again.

"I promise I won't bug you about what you said if you come down here."

I swing both of my legs over the limb and hop down. Peeta throws his arms around me and gives me a huge hug. "I was worried."

I hug him back, letting myself enjoy the steadiness that's come back to his embrace.

"Is Finnick really alive?" I ask as I pull away.

"Yeah, he is. It's a secret, though. They haven't even told Annie yet. As soon as Finnick is healed from all of his surgeries they're going to take him back to Four."

"Is Annie back there already?"

"Yes, and she's about to have a baby."

At first I'm happy for her and Finnick and them I'm shocked. I don't understand how they could bring a child into this world when they've both been in the arena. How could they bring a child into a world so torn and damaged? We won the war, but what if there's another. What if some future Capitol thinks of some new or worse horror than the Hunger Games? These thoughts torture my mind as we walk back through the woods, hand in hand.

"What are you thinking about?" Peeta asks, as we walk by newly constructed shops.

"Not anything happy." I tell him, not really wanting to talk about babies with him when just this morning I said I loved him.

"Katniss, Peeta!" Someone shouts from behind us. We turn to see Thom running toward us with a grin on his face. "Guess which shop we just finished building?"

We both stare at him.

"The bakery, we wanted to know if you would like to run it, Peeta." Thom says, wiping his sweating brow with an old rag.

"Me?" Peeta looks stunned.

"You're the only baker we know. Let us know by the end of the week. We want to get it up and running.

I practically have to drag Peeta back to Victor's Village, he's walking so slowly.

"Are you going to do it?" I ask Peeta.

"I don't think I have a choice." He says, following me up the front steps. "Like he said, I'm the only baker."

"A good one too." I throw myself down on the couch and Peeta joins.

"Do you think you could help me run it?"

"I don't know how to bake anything."

"I can teach you." Peeta says. "It's not hard and I would really like to have you there. With me."

How can I say no to this? And I can't deny that having something to occupy my time other than hunting and checking on Haymitch is an inviting prospect. "Sure. I'll work at the bakery with you."

After a few weeks I've managed to start baking more loaves of bread than I ruin. It turns out to be a lot harder than Peeta said it would be. The ovens are scorching and after hours of beating and mixing batter my arm starts to cramp and ache. Peeta works effortlessly and all of the bread he makes comes out perfectly. I guess I shouldn't be surprised; he's done this his whole life.

One evening after a long day of baking and a lot of orders I throw myself on a pile of flour sacks. Peeta walks over and stares down at me.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm tired." I say, throwing my arm over my eyes.

"We still have to clean up." Peeta says, sitting on one of the sacks by me and brushing away some flour that's settled on my braid.

"Let's take a nap first."

Peeta chuckles and the next thing I know he's kissing me. A hunger builds inside of me and I know that no amount of food will ever fill it. I wrap my arms around him and the pressure of his chest against mine only makes me pull him closer. He pulls away to look at my face, but I don't let go. He kisses me gently on the forehead and stands up, bringing me with him.

"It's really time to clean up."

I groan and head over to the counter where I've been making bread all day. I can't make out my exact feelings about all of this, but I know that I like them. And I'd give anything to be kissing him again.


	4. Chapter 4: Love

That evening, after the bakery is sparkling clean again, Peeta and I walk back to Victor's Village together. My gloved hand is wrapped tightly in his and the icy wind bites the parts of my face the scarf doesn't cover.

"I'm going to go to my house and take a shower." Peeta yells over the rustling branches and groaning trees.

I nod and turn to go to my house, but before I can Peeta kisses me on the forehead again. It warms me from the inside out as I walk away. I can't believe how normal Peeta seems or how happy we are when we're together. I don't know what to call us anymore. We're certainly more than friends, but are we a couple?

I push open the door to my house and pace around the living room for a few minutes and quickly figure out its no use. I decide to just go back to Peeta's and wait for him there. I quickly dash across the few yards in between our houses and find the front door unlocked. It's mercifully warm inside. I take off my coat and scarf and drape them over the couch. I'm about to sit down when I notice at least fifty paintings stacked in the floor of his dining room, but the most intriguing thing is the single painting that's hanging on the wall. Curiosity gets the best of me; I walk over and turn on the light to get a better look at the painting.

My jaw drops as I see a full length painting of myself in one of the wedding dresses I modeled for the citizens of the capitol to vote on. This must be the one Peeta would have chosen. It's the creamy, lace, floor length dress. The sleeves gently fall over my shoulders and the skirt flows out just enough. In my hands are a bouquet of pink roses and my hair falls around my face and neck in soft ringlets. It's a stunning picture, but I think Peeta paints me prettier than I really am.

"Do you like it?" Peeta asks quietly. He's getting better at walking quietly. I never even realized he was there. I turn around and find his face inches from mine.

"This one, I like." I tell him in a voice as quiet. "When did you paint it?"

"The night they aired all of your dresses and we found out about the Quarter Quell. I couldn't sleep anyways."

I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his next. I don't want him to see my emotions that I can't seem to keep locked inside. The embarrassment at only thinking of me when Snow read that card and the joy mixed with a little sorrow of discovering this new painting. I thought I had seen them all. He must not have taken this one to the capitol.

Peeta holds on tightly to me. He smells clean and fresh, like morning. "I thought I was going to lose you." He whispers, and for once I know the right thing to say.

"You're never going to lose me." My lips find his and with this kiss I finally realize all of the emotions I've tried not to consider. I really do love Peeta Mellark. I've loved him from the minute I found him in our first games. Now there are no games, no wars, and no Gale to stand in the way of me seeing this. A part of me wishes I could have accepted this sooner. I move my face back to see his wonderfully blue eyes. "I love you, Peeta."

For a moment his arms tighten as if he's afraid I'll run away again. When he sees I'm not going anywhere his grip softens and he whispers back, "I love you too, Katniss."

It feels like a million wings are beating around inside of me. Telling him that I love him lifts all the weight of the wars, deaths, and future off my chest for a moment. This emotion can only be one thing, happiness.

"I used to stay the night with you and it helped with the nightmares. Real or not real?"

"Real." I say. It's all I can think of to say right now, but I know he doesn't need an explanation.

"Why don't you stay the night with me this time?" Peeta says, leaning his forehead against mine.

"I'd like that." And before I know it he's holding my hand and leading me upstairs.

His room is mostly plain, a bed against one wall, a dresser across from it and a closet in the corner. The only personal thing is a framed picture on the dresser. I pick it up and find me and Peeta looking happy together at the party in the Capitol.

"Effie gave it to me." Peeta says simply. He hangs his robe in the closet and sits on the bed. "She thought I would like it."

I join him on the edge of the bed and lean my head on his shoulder. I can't think of anything to say and I don't think he expects me to say anything. He knows I'm useless with words.

"Why don't you find something to wear?"

"I'm fine in this." I tell Peeta.

"I have plenty of stuff in my closet. Go find something." He practically shoves me off the bed and I grudgingly move. For some reason I'm nervous. We've spent the night together quite a bit before. I guess since I told him I loved him that changed something. I try and shrug it off as I halfheartedly rifle through his clothes. I find one of his shirts that should be okay. I take off my sweater and pants, but leave on my underwear and pull the shirt over my head. It's long on me and covers everything, but I still feel embarrassed. I grab the robe he took off and wrap it firmly around me. It's a bit better. I step out of the closet and find him pulling back the covers and fluffing the pillows.

I walk quietly to stand beside him. "Do you always go to this much trouble?"

"Only for you." He glances over at me. "Are you going to sleep in my robe?"

"No," I say looking at my toes. "I just wanted to wear it."

He laughs at me and I feel a blush creeping up my face. "Get in." Peeta gestures to the bed and I crawl in, pulling the covers up to my chest. "Give me the robe."

I take my time unwrapping myself from it and grudgingly hand it back. Peeta throws it towards the closet and climbs in after me. "You forgot your braid." He takes the tie and gently starts combing my hair out with his fingers. I sigh and close my eyes. This is how it could be every evening; just me and him.

After he finishes brushing my hair he kisses my cheek and lies down. I snuggle up next to him and he wraps his arm protectively around me like he always used to. "I love you." He whispers.

"I love you too." And within minutes I'm fast asleep.


	5. Chapter 5: The Train

The sun dances on the wooden floor in front of me and I wake with a warm happy feeling. Peeta's arm is still wrapped softly around me and I nestle back into his embrace. I haven't felt this safe in so long and I'm not about to let the moment pass me up. I let my breathing match his slow and rhythmic breaths and close my eyes, but don't go back to sleep. My thoughts drift to a future and where this could all lead. I think I could marry Peeta now that there is no Capitol forcing it. But there could never be children; I would make sure of that somehow. There's probably some surgery or medicine I could take to make me sterile. It's a sad thought, but I know I could never risk it. I open my eyes again not wanting to think of that right now. I roll over in Peeta's arms and rest my head under his chin, listening to his steady heartbeat.

"Good morning." Peeta says, burying his face in my hair.

"Good morning. I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay, I'd much rather be awake."

I smile and breathe in his warm scent. Slowly I realize I slept peacefully for the first time in what seems like years. "Did you have any nightmares?"

"Not one." He says planting small, sweet kisses on the top of my head. "You didn't have them either, did you?"

I shake my head no and then go back to listening to his heartbeat. I don't ever want to move. I feel like I have years of lost time to make up for. Peeta takes to brushing my hair back off my face. It's grown quite a bit since the bombing and most of my bald spots are gone now. We lay here for quite a while, not talking, just holding on to one another.

A banging on the front door jerks me awake. "Haymitch." I groan.

Peeta sits up "I went over to Haymitch's yesterday and he had plenty of liquor."

"Then he's just drunk." I roll out of bed and pull on the pair of pants I left on the floor last night. I head for the stairs and Peeta isn't far behind.

I yank open the front door ready to yell and Effie is standing there in a magenta wig with a huge smile on her face.

"It's going to be a big, big, big day! I have wonderful news!" She walks around me and into the house. "Now, we don't have much time, so I'll just give you the details you need to know, the rest I'll tell you on the train. Rescue teams found Finnick alive down in the sewers. After months of surgery and therapy he's ready to go home. You're part of the welcoming committee and you have ten minutes to make yourselves decent enough to get on the train."

"You couldn't have told us a week ago?" I grumble, but Effie is already looking at her schedule and ignoring me. Peeta grabs my hand and drags me back upstairs. We dress quickly and are back down in front of Effie before she even has time to tell us to hurry.

Peeta and I trot across the yard after Effie and when we catch up she's banging on Haymitch's door.

"I went to tell him first. I thought he would need a little more time to get ready." After five more minutes of waiting on his doorstep and Effie talking about how rude and inconsiderate it is to be late, Haymitch almost falls out of his door with a bag in his hand.

"What is that?" Effie points to the bag and wrinkles her nose at the stench of stale liquor.

"I don't know how dependable these trains will be with their alcohol. We do have a new president after all."

Eventually, after several drunken falls and Peeta and I having to practically carry Haymitch on the train, we pull away from District Twelve. We dump Haymitch on the nearest sofa and take in our surroundings. It's the same train that took us to the Capitol as tributes.

I think Effie notices my face, because she says "They just couldn't see destroying something so nice, so they put it to use." She sits in one of the plush armchairs and her eyes adopt that vacant look that she wore when I last saw her in the Capitol. As annoying as Effie can sometimes be with her manners and schedules, I genuinely like her.

Peeta goes to deposit Haymitch's bag of liquor in his old room while I wander around the train. It hasn't changed much and it's giving me the feeling I'm being secretly transported back to the Capitol. My breathing goes shallow and I make my way to the very last train car and press the button that allows the back to open up and become an open air compartment. The air is freezing, but I gulp down as much as I can. It helps, but only a little. I start to panic and thoughts of going back into the arena begin to overwhelm me. I take another deep breath and then start my repeating game again.

"_My name is Katniss Everdeen. I live in District Twelve. Prim is dead. My mother is in District Two. I love Peeta. Finnick is alive. We are going to District Four to welcome him home. We are not going back to the arena. I can't go back to the arena."_

"What are you doing out here?" Peeta asks, as he wraps an arm around my shoulders. "You're freezing."

I take a minute to practice breathing before I answer him. "I panicked. My brain was trying to trick me into believing we were going back to the Capitol. We're not going there are we?"

"No, we're going to District Four. It will be alright, I promise." Peeta hugs me and then leads me back into the warmth and confinement of the train. He probably thinks I was going to try and jump. I can't blame him. If I had been out there any longer I don't doubt I would've started considering it.

We spend the rest of the afternoon in the sitting room with Effie. We play chess, look out the window, and try and guess which district we're in. After a while Haymitch disappears into his room and I fall asleep.

Effie wakes me up rattling Haymitch's door trying to get him to come to dinner. I open my eyes to find Peeta sitting across from me and hastily trying to hide a sketchbook and pencil under the cushions of his chair.

"What are you doing?" I ask, sitting up a little too quickly and making my head spin.

"Nothing." Peeta says, standing up and stretching. "Just getting up to go to dinner and I was about to wake you."

I nod and as soon as Peeta is a few steps away I dive for his chair and grab the book. He lunges for me, but misses and topples over. I open the sketchbook and find pages and pages of Peeta's drawings. Some of them are flowers, animals, and places. There's even one of Buttercup, but they're mostly of me. Half of them look like they're from before the Quell. Peeta grabs me from behind and lifts me off the ground and tackles me on the couch.

I curl up around the book, but I'm laughing so hard that my strength gives way long before it should have. "Give it back!" I gasp.

Peeta gives me an exasperated look and runs off to his room. I flip myself off the couch and try and run after him, but I end up half walking, half crawling. Effie finds me propped up against a wall in the hallway trying to catch my breath.

"Katniss?" I think she might be afraid that I've gone mad.

"Peeta has a sketchbook and I was trying to look. He fought me for it."

Effie almost smiles and then says "Well get up and go to the dining room. We're late for dinner as it is." And she clicks away in her shiny high heels.

Peeta comes down the hallway next and helps me to my feet.

"Why won't you let me see your drawings?"

"Because I didn't die in the Quarter Quell, that's why."

"What do you mean?" I make him stop.

"I left them on the train, so that you would find them when you went home." Peeta says, not looking me in the eye. "I wanted to give you something…To remember me with."

The thought is so sweet and sad at the same time I just hug him and give him a quick kiss. "Effie's upset that we're late for dinner."

"Let's not upset her anymore then." Peeta takes my hand and leads me off to the dining car and after today, I never want to let go.


	6. Chapter 6: Sunshine

Dinner is a mostly quiet affair with Haymitch still locked in his room. I don't think he likes the train much either and after riding it year after year I can understand. Effie reads and re-reads the schedule like she's trying to memorize it. The war must have been harder on her than the rest of us thought, she doesn't bother to try to keep conversation flowing like she used to. I wish she would. With all of the silence I can't keep my mind off of the sketchbook and all the meaning behind it. Even though Peeta was preparing to die he was thinking of my life after the Quell. It makes me feel selfish. I was willing to die so he could go home, but I didn't think to leave anything behind for him except a mess. One day I'll make it up to him…Somehow.

"I think the train staff really likes you." Peeta says quietly.

I look down and realize for the first time that I'm eating the lamb stew with dried plums. "It's delicious." I try and catch Peeta's eye, but he's making it evident he's still upset at me over the sketchbook. "Do you think we'll be in District Four soon?"

"We'll arrive tonight." Effie says, looking up for the first time since dinner started. "We'll all sleep on the train and then tomorrow go into the district to prepare for the welcoming ceremony."

"No armored cars this time?" I grin at her, remembering how upset she was at her treatment on the Victory Tour.

"No, none at all."

We eat the rest of our meal in silence. I finish my food before everyone else, and I decide it's best if I stay at the table where Peeta can keep an eye on me. I don't want him to think I'm sneaking off to find the sketchbook. After he finishes we sneak past where Effie and Haymitch are sitting arguing about what he will wear. Even with the Capitol overthrown it's obvious that appearances are important; at least to Effie anyway.

"I'm going to go to my room and change." Peeta says.

"Alright, I'm going to change too." I give him a kiss and close my door behind me, feeling confident we won't be locked in our rooms anymore. While I'm changing into a soft nightshirt and pants the train slowly comes to a stop. We've either arrived in District Four or we're just stopping for fuel. Peeta is taking a long time coming back and just when I've decided he's probably looking for a better hiding spot for his sketchbook the door opens and in his hand is a dandelion.

"I saw this out of my window when we stopped." He says, giving me the little flower.

"Thank you." I take the dandelion and Peeta sits next to me on the bed. He looks happier now. "I'm sorry I looked at your sketchbook."

Peeta grins a little. "I should be used to the fact that you're nosy by now."

"I am not!" I playfully hit his shoulder.

"You are." Peeta leans back against the headboard and drags me with him. "Will you sing something?"

I bury my head in his neck. I'm not really in the singing mood, but I feel like I do owe him. "Do you have a song in mind?"

"Not really. I just like it when you sing."

I take a deep breath and then try and remember all of the words of a song my father sang to me when I was very young.

"_You are my sunshine_

_My only sunshine_

_You make me happy_

_When skies are gray_

_You'll never know dear_

_How much I love you_

_Please don't take my sunshine away"_

It's a short song, but I hope he doesn't ask for more. I can feel the tears welling up behind my eyes as memories of my father singing come to the surface. Peeta kisses me on the forehead. I'm sure he knows what's going on in my head and is giving me a minute to recover.

The last rays of sunlight filter through the small window in my room and even though I took a nap earlier I feel like I could drift straight off to sleep. Peeta takes to brushing my hair out again and I settle into his shoulder and close my eyes.

A few hours later I wake up with my head resting on one of the feather pillows. Its dark outside, but light shines from the open bathroom door. Curiosity gets the best of me and I slide silently out of bed. I tiptoe over and peek my head around the corner. Peeta is shaking violently and gripping the edges of the sink. I can see even from where I'm standing that his knuckles are white and he's drenched in sweat. I don't even dare move my head back. The movement could distract him and bring on a full blown attack. Something deep inside of me stirs and I have to fight the impulse to go comfort him. Peeta looks up and our eyes lock in the mirror. For a moment they're full of the rage and hatred the Capitol gave him and then he's my Peeta again. His eyes find the floor and he runs his fingers through his damp hair. Now that it's safe I go and wrap my arms around him.

"Thank you." Peeta whispers in my ear. I kiss him on the cheek and give him another squeeze.

"Let's get you cleaned up." I let go and find a rag in one of the cabinets. I let cool water run over it before I start dabbing at his face and neck. "Nightmares?"

"Not really. I just woke up and realized I was on the train. I think they messed with a lot of those memories. I ran in here as fast as I could and tried to get a grip on things. I didn't want to hurt you."

**Authors Notes: **Thank you for reading Chapter Six! I'm sorry it took me so long to get this one out, I can't write on the weekends. I'm starting Chapter Seven today and I promise it will be longer. Thanks again!


	7. Chapter 7: District Four

"Up, up, up! It's going to be a big, big, big day!" Effie's shrill voice comes through our door.

I groan and pull the covers up over my head. The blanket jerks up a little further and Peeta joins me.

"Think we can hide in here forever?" He asks, grinning at me.

"I'd like to give it a try."

Peeta kisses me on top of my head and pulls the cover off of us. "Like Effie said, we have a big, big, big day." He almost has to drag me out of bed to wash my face and brush my teeth. "I'm going to my room to get ready and then I'll be back."

I nod and keep moving the toothbrush around in my mouth, but not really paying attention to it. In just a few hours we'll be seeing Finnick face to face for the first time since we were down in the sewers. At first I was excited, but now a sickening feeling has rooted in the pit of my stomach. We left him for dead with those awful mutts and even worse, I blew up the holo and threw it down there. I wouldn't blame Finnick if he hated Peeta and me. This whole welcoming ceremony could turn out to be a huge disaster. Hopefully, he'll be too distracted with Annie and their baby to even notice me. Hopefully.

I comb my hair out and then braid it down my back as usual. No one has told me otherwise. Back in my bedroom someone has laid out a simple, shimmering blue dress. Tiny cap sleeves with embroidered silver waves and a waistline that falls just below my ribs. I pull on the dress and start hoping that it's not too cold in District Four. My eyes fall on the dandelion Peeta brought me last night and I feel a surge of warmth. I slip my feet into silver sandals and walk out into the hall. Peeta opens his door and steps out in a shirt like my dress, black pants, and his usual boots.

"Ready?" Peeta takes my hand and it helps steady me.

"I hope so. Are you nervous?" I ask as we set off down the hall.

"More for Finnick than me, he's been through so much these past few months. He might not even know he has a baby."

I push open the dining room door breathing in the delicious smell of fresh bread. Effie is attempting to straighten Haymitch's bowtie while he pours himself more wine. We'll be lucky if he's able to walk at all by the time the ceremony starts.

"Good morning." Effie chirps, pulling the glass out of Haymitch's hand and giving him a roll. "We have half an hour for breakfast and then it's off to the city square."

I groan in my mind. Half an hour stuck in the same room with Effie and Haymitch. This could be an even bigger disaster than I thought. Peeta pulls out the chair for me and I sink into it, feeling like I have a ton of coal weighing on me. He puts a plate of some sort of porridge in front of me, but I only move it around in my bowl. Thoughts of Finnick down in that sewer bang around in my head. How long was he down there before anyone bothered to look? Shame boils into hatred for myself and by the time we're getting up to leave I'm in a foul mood.

Haymitch stumbles off of the train and starts cursing about how bright it is.

"Oh, shut it will you?" I snap. Haymitch lunges at me but misses. Effie conveniently places herself between us and hooks one of her arms through mine. She's surprisingly strong. Peeta squeezes my hand and I take a deep breath of sea air.

I had forgotten how beautiful the sea is. Maybe I never realized, last time I was in District Four I had Snow's threat hanging over me, darkening everything I saw. Our rather tense party continues down the middle of the lane. It looks as if it used to be for transporting goods, but there are no wagons or trucks today. As we move closer to the town square we catch glimpses of banners and flags flying in the breeze. Cheery music is being played by a band on a platform and children go from dancing to chasing each other. I can't ever remember seeing anything so happy. They're anxious to welcome home their Victor.

"Welcome, welcome!" A tall, strong man waves us over. He has a harsh jaw and deep set eyes, but he's friendly enough with a huge smile on his face. "I'm Commander Boyd." He says, shaking all of our hands. Rough callouses have formed over his hands and I start to wonder what role he played in the war. "Finnick's train should be arriving any moment now. The rest of the welcoming committee is on the other side of the platform. Wait here and I'll bring them over."

"Who all is in the welcoming committee?" Peeta gives Effie and accusing look.

"As far as I know only the two of you, Annie, and their son."

I give a huge sigh of relief. Peeta seemed to read my mind, what if they had brought in all of the surviving victors. That would be a mess.

Boyd comes around the platform and my heart sinks. Trailing behind him is not only Annie and a little blue bundle in her arms, but Johanna, Cressida, and none other than Gale. Peeta wraps his arm around me and I hope he has no intention of letting go. Things were bad enough, but Gale complicates them.

Effie moves through the group arranging us. Annie and the baby right in the middle. Peeta, me and Haymitch on their right and Gale, Cressida, and Johanna on her left. I'm glad we got here only just in time. This way there's no time for hellos. Just as Effie steps back to make sure we're perfect we see a sleek train pulling up to the station. The crowd erupts in raucous cheers and my heart starts pounding. I lean my head onto Peeta's shoulder and give him a quick squeeze. He smiles down at me, but I can see the nerves are starting to get to him. The train doors open and Finnick steps out into the bright sunlight.


	8. Chapter 8: Finnick

Finnick takes careful steps toward us, leaning heavily on a metal cane, just like the one Peeta used. He must have lost one of his legs. As he approaches us the sun dances off his patchwork skin. He's a fire mutt. Just like me…Just like Peeta. I close my eyes and swallow hard. It wasn't a bomb dropped by an unfeeling soldier onto innocent children. The bomb that did this to him was thrown down into that sewer by me. I did this to him.

I open my eyes and see more people leaving the train as Finnick comes closer. An older man, someone who I assume is his doctor. And then someone who I don't expect; a slender woman with blonde hair and haunted blue eyes. My mother, who told me she was in District Two. Finnick reaches us confused. A half knotted rope hangs out of his pocket. Annie and Finnick stare at each other for a long time, neither of them speaking. Finally, Finnick wraps an arm around her and gives her a small kiss. He looks down at the baby in her arms and we see the first spark of life in his eyes. Finnick touches the baby's head tenderly and kisses him.

"I named him Finnick." Annie says in barely a whisper.

"Thank you." Finnick's eyes drift across our group. Flickers of resignation come and go and then his eyes meet mine. "Katniss."

My foot shifts backward and I'm ready to run. Finnick walks over to me and my whole body tenses, but he just hugs me. "Thank you."

"For what?" I ask. Maybe he's not as sane as I thought.

"For remembering who the real enemy was."

My brain reels and he walks back to Annie. The crowd presses in on them now, all of them wanting to thank him, shake his hand, or welcome him home. He seems to remember some of them, others you can tell he thinks he's never met. I look back at my mother and see she's still hanging back. I give Peeta's hand a quick squeeze and pull him over to her.

I wrap my arms around my mother, not just as a hello, but to comfort her too. "What are you doing here?"

"I was part of Finnick's recovery team. They wanted a face he was familiar with."

"I thought you were in District Two." I take Peeta's hand again and hold it firmly in mine. Holding onto him is like holding onto reality. It steadies me when my thoughts start to jumble.

"That's what I was supposed to tell you. Finnick's recovery was very secret for his own protection."

I nod and look back at Finnick. What seems to be every person in the district is surrounding him, Annie, and their baby. They're telling him everything that's happened and everything they've rebuilt. The rest of the welcoming committee is hanging back awkwardly. They probably would have done just as fine leaving us all at home. I turn back to my mother and she's looking at mine and Peeta's intertwined hands.

"Are you two really together now?"

I blush and look at the ground, letting Peeta work his magic with words.

"Yeah, it just sort of happened. We spend almost all of our time together. And with no pressure of the whole nation watching us, I think we both had a chance to sort our feelings out."

My mother smiles and I'm a bit relieved. I was half worried she'd still say I was too young for a boyfriend. And then I smile, because now I know what Peeta is to me. We are more than just friends. I'm his and he's mine.

I look at the crowd again and I find Gale's eyes trained on me. They're not full of apologies, or wanting to be friends. They're burning with hatred. Feeling very uncomfortable now I turn back and inch closer to Peeta. Not in fear for myself, but for him. Gale's hatred runs deep and now that the war is out of the way he's free to fight his own.

**Author's Notes: **Thank you for reading! I'm very sorry this chapter is so short. I promised I would get this chapter out by today, so I had to compromise a little. Chapter nine and more about what's going to happen with Gale, Katniss, and Peeta, will be out early next week (I can't write over the weekend).


	9. Chapter 9: Sunset

A beautiful orange sun sets over the water and I dig my toes into the warm sand. Seagulls swoop over our heads and the waves crash onto the shore, turning the night sounds into a lullaby.

"We're going to have to go back." Peeta whispers to me.

"I know." But at the moment I have no intention of going back. I don't want to move away from Peeta and this beautiful place where I can lean against him forever, feeling him gently stroke my shoulders. It's too perfect here.

"I love you, Katniss. It's been busy these past few days, but I don't want you to ever forget that I love you."

"I love you too. And you know I'll never forget."

Peeta stretches his arms and gets up off of the sand. "Let's go back now." He holds out a hand for me and I take it. He doesn't let go as we head back toward the town. Even from the shore we can still hear the music and laughter.

"I'm glad Finnick is back." Peeta says, as we weave our way through the grass that grows up to my hips. "I wasn't sure about him at first, but I think he really helped you."

"He did." I say, finding my shoes where the road meets the sand, just where I left them. "Finnick had already been where I was. And he was there again. When the Capitol had you and Annie we were both wrecks. The morning before they rescued you we both completely lost it. They had to knock us out. And when you came back hijacked, it was all I could do to keep it together." I feel exposed talking about all of this. Even though Peeta is the only person I think I could ever talk to about those times, it still feels foreign.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't the one that was there for you." Peeta wraps an arm around me as we continue up the road.

"I wish I could have found you in the jungle before I blew out the force field. I never would have let the Capitol take you."

Peeta stops and turns me to face him. He's breathtaking in the twilight. The way his hair falls on his forehead and the way his eyes shine; I have to mentally shake myself. "Promise me something. Promise me we'll never let anyone keep us apart again."

"I promise."

When our lips meet it's as if an explosion has gone off in my chest. My heart flutters and then starts beating so fast I feel it might go out. I wrap my arms around Peeta's neck and stand on tip toe to reach him better. Unexpectedly, he lifts me off my feet and spins me around. I can't help but laugh, a real genuine laugh. He sets me back on my feet and we continue on to the city square.

Lanterns that have been strung between the buildings illuminate the happy faces. Finnick, Annie, and their son are seated at the head of a table, surrounded by people, but they seem to be too caught up in each other to notice.

"Hey ugly." Johanna's voice comes from behind me. I can tell she's teasing, but I have the feeling she still hasn't really gotten over the fact that I got put in a squad and she didn't.

"Hi." I don't really know if Johanna wants to be friends or if she just has no one else to talk to.

"So you finally figured it out." She says, nodding at Peeta. Her hair has grown in more and covered up most of the scars on her head.

"I think everyone else knew before she did." Peeta laughs.

I can feel the blush inching up my cheeks and drop my eyes to the ground. Even if I was the last to know that I was in love with Peeta I don't want people joking about it. I knew that I loved him; I just needed the time to figure out how.

"Isn't this a cozy little party?" Gale's boots appear and I slowly look up. I can feel the tension between Gale and Peeta as if it's tangible.

"I've been having a good time." Peeta says, shrugging his shoulders. I can't help but smile. He always knows what to say. Gale's eyes meet mine and I quickly look away. It hurts, but Gale and I can never have a future. Not even as friends.

"Well, I'm having a much better time now that you're here, handsome." Johanna bumps Gale's hip like she did so long ago in the hospital and shoots me a quick grin. I can't help but be thankful for her right now. I don't think an all-out brawl would be very appropriate at Finnick's party. "Why don't you dance with me?" She gets what looks like a rather painful grip on Gale's arm and leads him away.

"She's growing on me too." Peeta says.

"Johanna's hard to love, but she's not all bad."

The party goes on for several more hours, but when Finnick and Annie excuse themselves, Peeta and I decide we can slip off back to the train.

"Do you think they'll let us go home tomorrow?" I ask Peeta as we make our way through the dark train to my room.

"Effie never mentioned what the plan was after the party, but I hope we can. District Four is nice and all, but I'd rather be back in Twelve."

"Me too." I kick off my shoes and leave them by the door before throwing myself down on the bed. The soft covers puff around me and I feel like I'm lying on a cloud. Peeta wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer. I curl up inside of his arms and close my eyes and drift off into the kind of sleep that only feeling completely safe can bring.

**Author's Notes:** Thank you for reading chapter nine! I'm sorry it took me such a long time to update, but I've been crazy busy. I hope you all liked the way Peeta reacted to Gale. I was originally planning a big blow up, but when I got there it just didn't feel right. I'm hoping to have chapter ten out this week, so don't forget to check back!


	10. Chapter 10: The Pearl

The train sways beneath us as it speeds along down the tracks. I open my eyes and peek out the window over Peeta's shoulder to see its early afternoon. I can't believe we slept so long, uninterrupted by nightmares. My muscles are stiff and I start to realize that we didn't move at all last night. My dress is crumpled and half of my hair has fallen out of its braid. I look up at Peeta and can't help but smile. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps. I gently kiss him and try to wiggle my way under his arm without waking him.

I tip toe over to the closet and grab the first things I find before I head to the bathroom. The warm water of the shower feels good against my skin and I almost have to drag myself out. I dress in warm black pants and a blue sweater that almost exactly matches the color of Peeta's eyes. I braid my hair over my shoulder today and have to laugh when I catch myself wondering if Peeta will like it.

"Good morning." Peeta whispers from the doorway and I almost jump out of my patchwork skin. He's getting really good at walking quietly. That or I've been too caught up in my thoughts lately.

"Good morning, sleepy." I laugh as he rubs his eyes and joins me at the sink. "How did you sleep?"

"Wonderfully." Peeta wraps his arms around me and gives me a long kiss.

I turn on the faucet and hand him his toothbrush.

"That bad?"

"A little." I laugh. "Do you think we woke up in time for lunch?"

"I hope so, I'm starving."

After ten minutes of showering Peeta with kisses in hopes of motivating him to get ready faster we're finally headed to the dining car hand in hand. A delicious smell wafts toward us and we can hear Effie scolding Haymitch about keeping his elbows off the table. We push open the door and Peeta holds my chair for me.

"I'll be right back." Peeta whispers in my ear and disappears back through the door. I ignore Effie and Haymitch throwing nasty looks at each other and load my plate with batter cakes and slices of ham. Peeta takes quite a few minutes to come back, but when he does he just sits down beside me and starts filling his plate.

"Where have you been?" I ask through a mouthful of food.

"I just forgot something." He says, not meeting my eyes. I glare at him suspiciously, but he probably just went to move the sketchbook to some new hiding spot. Although, I haven't had five minutes to go and hunt it down.

"So Effie, where to next?" Peeta asks as he fills his plate.

"Back to District Twelve, the reunion went as well as we could have hoped and now you're all free to go back to doing whatever you please."

We finish our meal in silence and I'm just starting to excuse myself when Peeta gets to his feet.

"If everyone could just stay a minute, I have something important I want to say." Peeta fidgets his hands nervously and I can't even begin to imagine what this is about. "You've all been my family these past three years and now you're all the family I have. All of you mean so much to me and I will always be grateful for what you've done for me. I can't imagine any other people who I would want to share this moment with." He turns to me and my heart starts racing. "Katniss, I love you very, very much." Peeta bends down on one knee and I swear I'm about to run out of the room or faint. Maybe both. "Even with all that's happened I still think my name being reaped was the best piece of luck I ever had, because it brought me to you." He pulls a ring out of his pocket. A simple silver band with my pearl set inside, I can't imagine how he ever got it. "Now that I have you I never want to let you go. I want to spend every day of the rest of my life right beside you. Will you marry me?"

For a few seconds I don't think I'm going to be able to speak at all. Finally I'm able to choke out "Yes." It seems insufficient, but it's all I can manage right now. He slips the ring on my left hand and throws his arms around me. Within seconds we're all crying, laughing, and hugging each other. Well not Haymitch. He gives us each a small hug and claims the moisture in his eyes is from him biting his tongue.

**Author's Notes: **Thank you all for reading Chapter Ten. I'm very sorry I took so long to upload! I've been sick and am just getting off the cold medicine. I hope you liked it and you can expect Chapter Eleven soon!


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